The Dark Cycle

The Dark Cycle

May 31, 2009 at 8:28 am

Its a beautiful Sunday morning. The sun is out. My window is open about half way. A gentle breeze blows as I hear the birds in the red maple just outside my window. The temperature is a warm mid 60's.

I woke up this morning from a dream about a group of men who cut themselves up and hung themselves off a bridge on a morning as this one back in time somewhere. I was looking at this scene as if I was watching a television show. There was one man having second thoughts and did not want to die, but another man reminded him of the pack they all made. I don't think I heard all the words that were being said in the conversation from where I was viewing this scene. My focus went back to the man hanging on the wooden bridge frame. It was not a covered bridge but like a timber frame building with only the frame, not enclosed by walls. I watched the man on the wooden frame arms outstretched. He was the first one up and the last one to fall, arms to his side, into the calm river as the sun in the sky looked down.

That was the scene as I woke up this morning. When I awoke this morning, I was a little shaken up but peaceful at the same time, when the idea that came to me was that this was a past life of mine. Why did I dream of a past life where I committed suicide? Because of the dark thoughts and feelings of helplessness that I am currently having. Let me explain.

I only have a part time job now and its been very difficult to pay my bills. Actually, its been difficult for the past two years when I got laid off from another job where I was making $1000 every two weeks. There were lots of over time. Over the course of the two years I was losing lots of stuff, including my ability to travel and do fun things that I loved doing, going to Pow Wows, hiking in the mountains, driving around New Hampshire making video and audio programming to put up on the web. I'm continuing to lose stuff like my cable and broadband. I also fear losing my car and cellphone. In June, I will be losing my part time job for a few months and I wonder what will happen to my apartment?

That is the basic back story to why I have dark thoughts and feelings of helplessness. The dream also explains why that even though I've gone close to the edge. I don't do it. Something inside me carries the memory of that past life and the after death consequences. People think death will give them release, but only the physical body gets relief – we are not our bodies. The emotions and dark thoughts continue and can scare a soul if it were not for the rebirth process. But that process is not an easy one for those who have committed suicide. First there is the wait to come back here to resolve that action, the dark thoughts, and feelings of hopelessness. And when you come back into that new life, it will not be an easy life. That life would be harder especially around the area that caused the suicide. So, this is a warning to all those even thinking about going beyond the curtain of life. Don't do it. You will only be delaying your progress as a soul. Stick around in this life and learn to transmute those dark thoughts and feelings of helplessness. Free yourself of the dark cycle.

So, there you have it. And why am I writing this down in my journal. To help get myself and others get out and break this dark cycle. Don't Quit. This time will pass, life does continue, after a down there has always been an up. I will see that up. Let us, all who are caught in the dark cycle, break it and see the sun rise up again over the horizon. Let us all become wiser for making it through the dark cycle. Believe that life is filled with many possibilities and that the good times will return. Live Long and Prosper.

9:38 am –